Femme Fatale

I have this newfound obsession of reading the blogs of hot bloggers. And I mean really gorgeous ones, not those half-fucked wannabes who are trying to imitate those who were shot to fame by blogging. I admit that since Secondary School, I have a habit of sussing out pretty girls on the streets and this habit got worse as I grew up...when a really hot girl walk pass me-I mean the really really hot and good-looking ones,not those look nice from the back only-I'll not be able to resist the urge to turn back and STARE!!! And I totally do not understand when some less than good looking girls can actually comment that such an eye-candy is not good looking. I mean if she's not then who is?? But then again these are usually the people who don't think anyone else except themselves is good-looking. it's like all the pretty girls back in ex-hall had bad reputations, and are widely hated, unless they are extremely chummy with everyone in hall, and/or if they are super enthusiatic about hall stuff.
Anyway, Blog surfing is like one vice that I picked up only recently this sem. In fact late this semester only. So I guess checking out the blogs of babes as a habit naturally fell into my agenda. But now, I've become like one of those disgusting lecherous internet porn ah peks who blog stalk pretty girls. URGHH!! Of late, I'm very caught up with this very popular, very pretty blogger whose name I shall not type in my blog in case people actually typed in her name on search engines and end up in my blog, and then end up very disappointed. But she is like so gorgeous that she don't actually look real. It's like I'll just look at her pictures and hyperventilate...its like her eyes her clothes, her hair, everything is just so perfect. I could spend a whole say just looking at her...okie and this other girl whom she supposedly copied her face from.
But then hor, I also heard that she had plastic surgery. A bit of nip and tuck here and there is fine. But her supposedly old photos clearly shows a totally different face. If it was the same person, it's almost like the old one died and reincarnate into the new one, which was not a bad thing, because now she has the brains, the looks and the boobs. I mean I looked equally KUKU and nerdy before NUS, with bad haircut and eyebrows thick enough to cover my eyes and hand-me-down clothes, but I still have the same face, same features. ANyway, I was totally devastated when I saw her supposedly old pictures that my boyfriend went to google for me. I felt a little deceived...But still, real or not, I still thought she is really gorgeous and unparelelled on earth. But if her face was altered, maybe I also want to know her surgeon. I mean looking at very pretty girls sometimes gives me a little inferiority complex. It's like you always want a bit of someone's legs, someone nose, someone's eyelashes, someone's boobs, and someone's chin. If it can be done on (oops I almost typed her name), then I don't see how it can't be done on me. But i think if i do spend thousands of dollars to get my face done, I'll be really angry/devastated if just 1 person tells me that I'm not pretty, because there'll always be people as abovementioned, who'll go around crushing anyone that looks good. My boyfriend thinks I'm crazy when I told him maybe I want to 'prettify' myself by surgery. hurhurhur...but then I don't have the money, and he'll probably be disgusted with me cos it'll be like kissing michael jackson.
But my point is I love looking at gorgeous girls so much, that it is becoming a major distraction. Like now, I'm supposed to be doing my readings on the Gulf War and preparing for my exam, but I am constantly distracted by the need to check out good looking females, that I think maybe it's lucky that my parents didn't send me to a girls school, or I might just turn towards lesbianism in my teenage years given that I like pretty girls so much. Okie...I must have been too stressed from studying this sem. Okie that was a horrible thought that I'll have to banish, for my boyfriend and for my family and for my studies.

PS: my newest fascination: http://www.egotastic.com/entertainment/celebrities/victorias-secret-lingerie-fashion-show-pictures-001895
Thanks xiaoling -.- .....just as I was about to start studying. in her words "but ohh but they were just too gorgeous that I had to share."

Wishing you were somehow here again...

wishing you were somehow near . . .
Sometimes it seemed
if I just dreamed,
somehow you would be here . . .
Wishing I could hear your voice again . . .
knowing that I never would . . .
Dreaming of you
won't help me to do
all that you dreamed I could . . .

Passing bells
and sculpted angels,
cold and monumental,
seem, for you,
the wrong companions -
you were warm and gentle . . .
Too many years
fighting back tears . . .
Why can't the past
just die . . .?

Wishing you were somehow here again . . .
knowing we must say goodbye . . .
Try to forgive . . .
teach me to live . . .
give me the strength to try . . .

No more memories,
no more silent tears . . .
No more gazing across
the wasted years . . .
Help me say
goodbye

Ode to Xiaobai

Whenever the cookies in the fridge gets all eaten up and ZY ask me about it, I point to Xiaobai. Whenever we cannot find anything in the room, we scold Xiaobai. But really Xiaobai is so cute and so dear to me that I cannot imagine the day when he'll spoil. He was my mom's Christmas present for me when I was dunno how old and since then he's been my most loyal and lazy friend that can soak up all my tear(literally). I've been following a friend's blog for her new lil baby recently, and it's like an ode to the baby. I also have a baby, and since I cannot start studying seriously without doing something boliao first, I'll dedicating a post to xiaobai. Haha... unlike the baby, XIaobai doesn't have varying expressions and besides getting dirtier and more mangy and flater, he doesn't exactly change. SO there's no need to create 1 whole blog for xb. heeh. just 1 post.

15th Nov 2006

It's a month and 10 days from Christmas. Last christmas was spent in New Zealand, eating muffins and driving for miles on very very low petrol, and finally drinking very very bad tasting Lion Beer. haha or was it Leopard Beer or Red Beer I can't remember, but it was the first christmas with ZY, and my whole family. It was a nice christmas, and exams were the last thing on my mind.

Somehow, things seemed different this sem. I almost forgot Christmas was coming until I went to town the other day and was wondering why they had all those Christmas trees up on display. Perhaps its the age thing. Yes man I've aged(not alot, but still older)... But looking back on the darker days when I was younger, the time when I trusted no one, had faith in nothing, when my future seemed bleak and happiness seemed elusive; growing old seems to have brought me a sunnier disposition in life. Zy in my life especially made life much appealing to me. The eating disorder stopped, stopped thinking about alot of things in morbid ways. Oh well, even if Christmas won't be as fun as last year, it'll be as warm. And maybe I'll ask for a anti-wrinkle face mask from Santa. I've been buring too much midlight oil of late, and I kind of like my face still without the addition of some fine lines etc.

**************************************************************************

Finally, tomorrow after presenting our case as General Schwarzkopf during the class simulation on Gulf War, I'd be almost done with mid terms and miscellanous projects. Just 1 other write-up for film and history. Man that module suck. It has no relation to history, I mean it could be labelled as an American Studies module or something and I wouldn't have touched it. EVen though "war" modules are difficult, I think I am going to get a worse grade for than stupid module than all my other warring history module. Seriously, one can never get a sense of what the teacher actually wants. If you get bad grades for that module, you'll always get a bad grade, ie, either you are good at that sort of thing or you are dead. Like me. I feel so demoralized getting lousy grade after lousy grade for that module that I feel its most certainly going to hinder my progress. And to think there is no way out. No way to improve. I seriously do not think I'm lousy, because I dont get lousy grades for all my other modules, except that one. Sigh...

Anyway, like above mentioned, the rest of my papers I did not to badly, and part of my not too bad grades is the effort of ZY. haha. No I didnt force him to write my essays for me although I'd have loved to. To any of my Professors out there reading my blog,

I WROTE ALL MY ESSAYS MYSELF OKIE, NO PLAGARISM, NO BRIBERY.

Anyway, he helped me alot in the sense that he helped me to proof read, make me cut long winded, unnecessary sentence, correct my incoherent, and cook me nice or sometimes burnt dinner when I am rushing to meet a deadline. Hug me tight when I think I'm going to die from writing essay and help me zap reference books, bring me to National Library to find reference books when all those stoopid KUKUs in NUS borrow all the books that I need for research. Make me tea when I'm going to fall asleep and ATTEMPT to stay up with me so that I won't go into a sudden panic mode and freak out in the dark all by myself. He's not a history major so he cant write essays for me. I must emphasize. I love you and thank you for all that you've done for me baby. Muackz!

But the last few days or the last 1 or 2 weeks, I've been really really sick. Maybe because I've been burnt out, or maybe because ZY's sicka nd he passed all his virus to me, I became sick too. And I slept like a lot for the past 2 days. I almost didnt wake up at all. Haha...but then after I had had to wake up for lesson today, I didn't want to wake up despite spending more than 15 hours on bed for the past 2 days.

Time to stop modelling, shopping, and start studying for exams. I'll just pray hard that my grades for Film and History don't get so low that I cannot make it for my honours. Maybe I'll go back to Thailand Erawan Shrine to pray. The last sem that I did that I got pretty decent grades. Hurhurhur.... ZY too.

Blogging Fluff again

I still have like half a million papers to finish before I pack up and study for my exam which is scarily in less than a month. But under such stress and depression, the shopping and blogging bug crept in.

I just blew slightly less than 100USD ie ~130SGD while shopping online. SInce I don't have time to go out, and it's really alot more exciting shopping online, I indulged myself on Amazon. Oh and the price includes shipping as well.


Exchange by Charles David. Black Patent leather ankle stap heels. 4 inch heel. Hmm I luurve black patent heel. I wanted to get a pair of black patent leather pumps, but they werent available for the discount. Perfect for catwalk


Nine West Freda Pumps. In Gold Fabric. 3.5 inch heel


N.Y.L.A Rudelle Peep toe-d Pump. In pewter. 3.5 inch heel

All 3 pairs are popular brands, but if I get them off the shelves in SIngapore, I can very well live on white rice and soya sauce for the rest of the year. Thanks to my sweetest ZY who tried to ease my shopping crave by searching for shoe sales for me. He knows that it makes me happy to shop (for good deals) when I'm down. Oh and he had some Temporary discount something which could knock off a few percent when I buy them...dunno what la but it helped save my bucks and push the price really low.

Now I'd just have to pray that the sizes that I ordered them in are right.
If not I'll hafta give my pretty shoes to my mom...If she can balance on the heels.

Next item on my 'To get' list, Skinny jeans. HURHURHUR!

The black noisy vrooooom-ing car

I hate guys who drives car with modified engine that goes Vroooom vrooom vrooom. Okie maybe the very loud ones apply mainly to motorbikes, but there are car drivers who like to rev their engines so loudly just to state the presence of their cars. Do they think girls are impressed by such a grandiose display of i dunno...masculinity? Well, to say that I find them repulsive is an understatement. What irks me to a greater extent is to be hit on by such drivers.

Just how can anyone be so thick skinned?

I dont usually look the happiest when I am waiting for a bus. I'd wither be stoning or SMS-ing or something. Or if there're mosquitos biting me I'd look cross. But never happy. So what makes them think I am an easy pick up? Crazy bastards. The worse thing is that some of these incidents happen in school. Yes...in NUS!! *Faint*. It doesn't matter if the driver is handsome or greasy faced and gross, if he so much as rev his engine, I will find that repulsive. And no suprises here, all these people who actually try to pick up girls (my friends too)are usually drivers wtih modified engine, and they will ALWAYS revvvvv their engine before unwinding their windows. That is so not cool and so last time. I mean what is with the loud engine, flamboyant cars and picking up girls.

It happened again today and if it happened again to me again the next time, I swear this is what I'll do. I'll stare at the driver, slowly raise my index finger to dig my nose, and flick whatever pisai or non-pisai at the person.

爱 。 梦

他曾经是我的梦
可是梦和爱不一样
梦是美丽的
而爱却实实在在的
若有选择
我会和他处在永远的梦境？
还是追寻脚踏实地的爱？

--流星花园


*shit...now everyone knows I'm a closet fan