The Prof Farrell syndrome

I was so deep in thoughts and busy in SMS-ing today just after my War and Society Paper that I got scared out of my daylight when suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder followed by a very familiar deep booming voice of Prof Farrell saying that he was really glad to see my applications for the internship. I took like 10 seconds to recover from the shock and all the while babbling incoherently like an idiot about how he bloody scared me. It's like he has like this sense of aura about him and is so tall and he knows EVERYTHING in the world(the best probably being about divorce), that I always felt a little dumb when I'm talking to him.

Anyway, when he said that and after I head towards a different direction in the History dept, I felt a little sad. Those words seemed to be like the last sentence that he will ever say to me, unless I'm doing my honours. The war and society module exam today seems to mark the end of the Farrell modules for me. I so want to take all his modules, and the other day in one of his "Come see me session", I casually asked him if he'd be doing the Singapore MIlitary History Module the next sem (because it is not reflected on the module website for the next sem), I was like super disappointed when he pointed out that he'd only be doing 2 modules; none of which I can take, because, I've taken 1 already and the other one is like for the honours students. So if I decide to just pursue a Bachelor, today's exam effectively marks the end of Farrell's lesson!!!! *SOBZ*

Farrell is like my idol ever since I have decided to major in history, and although when I first got taught by him in my 1st sem, I was super stressed, that I wanted to drop the module; but I grew fond of his every style and regard him as the BESTEST history professor in the whole wide world. If I'm going to teach, I wanna be able to teach like him. Okie not really...but you get my point. I used to think that he wears his jeans too high, but over the semesters, I've grown to regard them as being very "Farrell". That it's almost like a brand. PLus I lurrrve it when he puts both his hands on his tummy. I would stare when he does that until there was once I think he might have caught me staring. Hurhurhur...! But it's wierd because somehow I'll imagine a s-sized t-shirt fitted over it, ever since the time he kept suaning me in class over my t-shirt that says "TROUBLE". Ask any of my project mates in the module about the sort of nonsense we whisper about Farrell in class.

Anyway...Why did he say that he was glad that I sign up for the intership? Does it mean that he thinks I'm too slack, so he's glad that I'm finally booked myself and internship and do some "real" job? And if he had read through my application I'll just die of embarrassment because I wrote a very "self-glorifying", extremely cheesy Reasons for Application that I thought wouldn't matter because nobody other than Dr Mark Emmanual would vet through it, and since he didn't know me personally, I'll only start to worry about that part if I get the SAM internship.

Which I did! =p They just called me.

Anyway it was funny cos when I went for the interview with Dr Emmanual, I walked pass him along the dept's corridor, without knowing that it was him, and asked Prof Farrell where he is, right IN FRONT OF him.

Eating Biscuits...

I am never eating biscuits with you again!
If I want biscuits I'll wait for you to sleep then eat to my heart's contents.

I just had my Social Variance of Language

paper today. And I think I should just eat shit and die. The questions were like so bloody cheem and so there were and too many points to ponder upon and just too many questions to answer within 2 hours. This is the kind of paper that You look at it and you don't even know what it is talking about or what the question is asking. There are about a million layers of meanings in a sentence and that's why I HATE sociology becos I can never look beneath the surface of the question with some imagination and answer the question. Kenasai. Granted they are the 'application' type. But then how do you apply when you don't even know what it is talking about???? Tutorial also like that, the type of questiona that are asked is the type that even Karl Marx wouldn't have an iota of idea what they are asking. Nobody in class ever gets what the question is actually asking.
For example:
The question: Accents closer to standard pronounciation tend to be more highly regarded than localized accents. IN industrial societies, universal education and mass media make the standard accessible to all strata of society. Yet dialect persist, why?

my answer: Because people use dialects and non-standard variations to show solidarity among people of the same speech community. (simple right? make sense right?)

But then hor what the question is actually asking, according to the tutor, WHy is there differences in usage patterns of language?
Wah siao who go and link here link there and twist the question until like that?
Then the more or less correct answer is
Because a idea of a "standard" language is a ideologically laden. It is a real concept, but not an objective one. Hence, there is no clear boundary in standard language, because acquiring a language is an ongoing process of acculturation. (My insert before I fully understood what the question meant)There will always be deviation from the "standard" form, as people meet, form new networks, migrat etc. Hence there is no purely linguistic justification of what is a a dialect.

Go one big round just to say because there is no such thing. Think I'm so free issit??? Crazy Kukunaden

I feel soooo devasted. SO depressed. This is only my first paper and it's horrible. And horrible not becos I didn't study or prepare enough, but simply because I'm not cheem enough. Sian. I should just go online shopping on Amazon.com for the rest of the exam period. It's like losing the air campaign 1st step into the Gulf War. I'm sure if the Air campaigns of the UN coalition was twarted by the Republican guard, the ground troops will feel as demoralized as me lor. Sian~~~

There's a stoopid, uneducated, insolent piece of shit

in the form of an ah beng working as a hawker in the PGP BLOCK 8 canteen. He takes orders for the zi char store and he thinks he's so great. Usually I see him only feel like smacking his face already. From his swagger, the uncouth way he talks, the way his half-fucked face looks at you, everything about him irks me off. Even the food his stall cook is not so nice and super oily, but my bf thinks that it is the only stall that is remotely decent in PGP so we occasionally buy from that stall, if we are not cooking and we are not going out. But this uneducated, insolent piece of shit ah beng pulled the last string yesterday.

Usually my string is more elastic than this...but his mannerism and my impression of him already pulled it to the tightest. Then yesterday, he was super rude to us because he was closing. Granted that we got hungry only very late and whatever we wanted to order was finished, so we took a while to decide on alternatives...and all the while, he impatiently and very very very rudely in the most ah beng manner possible, hollared that he's closing, so hurry make up our minds. When we ask him what food does he have left then, he gave a very stupid and useless answer and kept "tsk tsk-ing" impatiently. OKie, if you want to close already, why can't you just say so nicely? We are afterall customers. If you are so eager to go home then don't sell us la, why must you do the "tsk". So, being very pissed off, I dragged my boyfriend from the stall and went to the next-door stall to queue. They were probably buddy stall because the sell almost similar food. Then the stoopid ah beng whom I decide to ignore blatantly went to the other stall, and just when we were about to order, he called out "Not selling...closing" TaMaDe *fucker!!
It was possible that was coincidental, so my and ZY went to the mixed veg stall to order, but when we turned around, the stall continued to take orders from 2 stupid fat PRCs who don't look like they need another meal of oily zi char food. Then I caught the ah beng smirking from the corner of my eye. If I were Batman I would have fry his finger in the pot of oil in his kitchen. Or maybe the next time when I eat at his stall, I'll take a whole stack of chopsticks and plastic spoon; even better, the next time I don't even order from his stall and I just take a huge serving of plastic spoon. Dammit..I hate ah bengs. Even when I was relief teaching, I hate ah bengs. They all think they can attract female teachers by stalking them, or talking loudly with their greasy face (and hair), or filming me when I'm teaching, or by calling them "chiobu". Please lor, you all are just a bunch of brainless KUKNADENs to me. Even Saddam Hussein is more attactive can.

I love...

rainy rainy days.

I love sleeping non-stop and wake up to fall asleep again.

I love free MacDonalds meal
(too bad the Mac manager didnt offer us a 2nd free meal)

I love online shopping

But I hate studying for exam.....WHy??????? WHy???????????? WHY??????

Femme Fatale

I have this newfound obsession of reading the blogs of hot bloggers. And I mean really gorgeous ones, not those half-fucked wannabes who are trying to imitate those who were shot to fame by blogging. I admit that since Secondary School, I have a habit of sussing out pretty girls on the streets and this habit got worse as I grew up...when a really hot girl walk pass me-I mean the really really hot and good-looking ones,not those look nice from the back only-I'll not be able to resist the urge to turn back and STARE!!! And I totally do not understand when some less than good looking girls can actually comment that such an eye-candy is not good looking. I mean if she's not then who is?? But then again these are usually the people who don't think anyone else except themselves is good-looking. it's like all the pretty girls back in ex-hall had bad reputations, and are widely hated, unless they are extremely chummy with everyone in hall, and/or if they are super enthusiatic about hall stuff.
Anyway, Blog surfing is like one vice that I picked up only recently this sem. In fact late this semester only. So I guess checking out the blogs of babes as a habit naturally fell into my agenda. But now, I've become like one of those disgusting lecherous internet porn ah peks who blog stalk pretty girls. URGHH!! Of late, I'm very caught up with this very popular, very pretty blogger whose name I shall not type in my blog in case people actually typed in her name on search engines and end up in my blog, and then end up very disappointed. But she is like so gorgeous that she don't actually look real. It's like I'll just look at her pictures and hyperventilate...its like her eyes her clothes, her hair, everything is just so perfect. I could spend a whole say just looking at her...okie and this other girl whom she supposedly copied her face from.
But then hor, I also heard that she had plastic surgery. A bit of nip and tuck here and there is fine. But her supposedly old photos clearly shows a totally different face. If it was the same person, it's almost like the old one died and reincarnate into the new one, which was not a bad thing, because now she has the brains, the looks and the boobs. I mean I looked equally KUKU and nerdy before NUS, with bad haircut and eyebrows thick enough to cover my eyes and hand-me-down clothes, but I still have the same face, same features. ANyway, I was totally devastated when I saw her supposedly old pictures that my boyfriend went to google for me. I felt a little deceived...But still, real or not, I still thought she is really gorgeous and unparelelled on earth. But if her face was altered, maybe I also want to know her surgeon. I mean looking at very pretty girls sometimes gives me a little inferiority complex. It's like you always want a bit of someone's legs, someone nose, someone's eyelashes, someone's boobs, and someone's chin. If it can be done on (oops I almost typed her name), then I don't see how it can't be done on me. But i think if i do spend thousands of dollars to get my face done, I'll be really angry/devastated if just 1 person tells me that I'm not pretty, because there'll always be people as abovementioned, who'll go around crushing anyone that looks good. My boyfriend thinks I'm crazy when I told him maybe I want to 'prettify' myself by surgery. hurhurhur...but then I don't have the money, and he'll probably be disgusted with me cos it'll be like kissing michael jackson.
But my point is I love looking at gorgeous girls so much, that it is becoming a major distraction. Like now, I'm supposed to be doing my readings on the Gulf War and preparing for my exam, but I am constantly distracted by the need to check out good looking females, that I think maybe it's lucky that my parents didn't send me to a girls school, or I might just turn towards lesbianism in my teenage years given that I like pretty girls so much. Okie...I must have been too stressed from studying this sem. Okie that was a horrible thought that I'll have to banish, for my boyfriend and for my family and for my studies.

PS: my newest fascination: http://www.egotastic.com/entertainment/celebrities/victorias-secret-lingerie-fashion-show-pictures-001895
Thanks xiaoling -.- .....just as I was about to start studying. in her words "but ohh but they were just too gorgeous that I had to share."

Wishing you were somehow here again...

wishing you were somehow near . . .
Sometimes it seemed
if I just dreamed,
somehow you would be here . . .
Wishing I could hear your voice again . . .
knowing that I never would . . .
Dreaming of you
won't help me to do
all that you dreamed I could . . .

Passing bells
and sculpted angels,
cold and monumental,
seem, for you,
the wrong companions -
you were warm and gentle . . .
Too many years
fighting back tears . . .
Why can't the past
just die . . .?

Wishing you were somehow here again . . .
knowing we must say goodbye . . .
Try to forgive . . .
teach me to live . . .
give me the strength to try . . .

No more memories,
no more silent tears . . .
No more gazing across
the wasted years . . .
Help me say
goodbye

Ode to Xiaobai

Whenever the cookies in the fridge gets all eaten up and ZY ask me about it, I point to Xiaobai. Whenever we cannot find anything in the room, we scold Xiaobai. But really Xiaobai is so cute and so dear to me that I cannot imagine the day when he'll spoil. He was my mom's Christmas present for me when I was dunno how old and since then he's been my most loyal and lazy friend that can soak up all my tear(literally). I've been following a friend's blog for her new lil baby recently, and it's like an ode to the baby. I also have a baby, and since I cannot start studying seriously without doing something boliao first, I'll dedicating a post to xiaobai. Haha... unlike the baby, XIaobai doesn't have varying expressions and besides getting dirtier and more mangy and flater, he doesn't exactly change. SO there's no need to create 1 whole blog for xb. heeh. just 1 post.

15th Nov 2006

It's a month and 10 days from Christmas. Last christmas was spent in New Zealand, eating muffins and driving for miles on very very low petrol, and finally drinking very very bad tasting Lion Beer. haha or was it Leopard Beer or Red Beer I can't remember, but it was the first christmas with ZY, and my whole family. It was a nice christmas, and exams were the last thing on my mind.

Somehow, things seemed different this sem. I almost forgot Christmas was coming until I went to town the other day and was wondering why they had all those Christmas trees up on display. Perhaps its the age thing. Yes man I've aged(not alot, but still older)... But looking back on the darker days when I was younger, the time when I trusted no one, had faith in nothing, when my future seemed bleak and happiness seemed elusive; growing old seems to have brought me a sunnier disposition in life. Zy in my life especially made life much appealing to me. The eating disorder stopped, stopped thinking about alot of things in morbid ways. Oh well, even if Christmas won't be as fun as last year, it'll be as warm. And maybe I'll ask for a anti-wrinkle face mask from Santa. I've been buring too much midlight oil of late, and I kind of like my face still without the addition of some fine lines etc.

**************************************************************************

Finally, tomorrow after presenting our case as General Schwarzkopf during the class simulation on Gulf War, I'd be almost done with mid terms and miscellanous projects. Just 1 other write-up for film and history. Man that module suck. It has no relation to history, I mean it could be labelled as an American Studies module or something and I wouldn't have touched it. EVen though "war" modules are difficult, I think I am going to get a worse grade for than stupid module than all my other warring history module. Seriously, one can never get a sense of what the teacher actually wants. If you get bad grades for that module, you'll always get a bad grade, ie, either you are good at that sort of thing or you are dead. Like me. I feel so demoralized getting lousy grade after lousy grade for that module that I feel its most certainly going to hinder my progress. And to think there is no way out. No way to improve. I seriously do not think I'm lousy, because I dont get lousy grades for all my other modules, except that one. Sigh...

Anyway, like above mentioned, the rest of my papers I did not to badly, and part of my not too bad grades is the effort of ZY. haha. No I didnt force him to write my essays for me although I'd have loved to. To any of my Professors out there reading my blog,

I WROTE ALL MY ESSAYS MYSELF OKIE, NO PLAGARISM, NO BRIBERY.

Anyway, he helped me alot in the sense that he helped me to proof read, make me cut long winded, unnecessary sentence, correct my incoherent, and cook me nice or sometimes burnt dinner when I am rushing to meet a deadline. Hug me tight when I think I'm going to die from writing essay and help me zap reference books, bring me to National Library to find reference books when all those stoopid KUKUs in NUS borrow all the books that I need for research. Make me tea when I'm going to fall asleep and ATTEMPT to stay up with me so that I won't go into a sudden panic mode and freak out in the dark all by myself. He's not a history major so he cant write essays for me. I must emphasize. I love you and thank you for all that you've done for me baby. Muackz!

But the last few days or the last 1 or 2 weeks, I've been really really sick. Maybe because I've been burnt out, or maybe because ZY's sicka nd he passed all his virus to me, I became sick too. And I slept like a lot for the past 2 days. I almost didnt wake up at all. Haha...but then after I had had to wake up for lesson today, I didn't want to wake up despite spending more than 15 hours on bed for the past 2 days.

Time to stop modelling, shopping, and start studying for exams. I'll just pray hard that my grades for Film and History don't get so low that I cannot make it for my honours. Maybe I'll go back to Thailand Erawan Shrine to pray. The last sem that I did that I got pretty decent grades. Hurhurhur.... ZY too.

Blogging Fluff again

I still have like half a million papers to finish before I pack up and study for my exam which is scarily in less than a month. But under such stress and depression, the shopping and blogging bug crept in.

I just blew slightly less than 100USD ie ~130SGD while shopping online. SInce I don't have time to go out, and it's really alot more exciting shopping online, I indulged myself on Amazon. Oh and the price includes shipping as well.


Exchange by Charles David. Black Patent leather ankle stap heels. 4 inch heel. Hmm I luurve black patent heel. I wanted to get a pair of black patent leather pumps, but they werent available for the discount. Perfect for catwalk


Nine West Freda Pumps. In Gold Fabric. 3.5 inch heel


N.Y.L.A Rudelle Peep toe-d Pump. In pewter. 3.5 inch heel

All 3 pairs are popular brands, but if I get them off the shelves in SIngapore, I can very well live on white rice and soya sauce for the rest of the year. Thanks to my sweetest ZY who tried to ease my shopping crave by searching for shoe sales for me. He knows that it makes me happy to shop (for good deals) when I'm down. Oh and he had some Temporary discount something which could knock off a few percent when I buy them...dunno what la but it helped save my bucks and push the price really low.

Now I'd just have to pray that the sizes that I ordered them in are right.
If not I'll hafta give my pretty shoes to my mom...If she can balance on the heels.

Next item on my 'To get' list, Skinny jeans. HURHURHUR!

The black noisy vrooooom-ing car

I hate guys who drives car with modified engine that goes Vroooom vrooom vrooom. Okie maybe the very loud ones apply mainly to motorbikes, but there are car drivers who like to rev their engines so loudly just to state the presence of their cars. Do they think girls are impressed by such a grandiose display of i dunno...masculinity? Well, to say that I find them repulsive is an understatement. What irks me to a greater extent is to be hit on by such drivers.

Just how can anyone be so thick skinned?

I dont usually look the happiest when I am waiting for a bus. I'd wither be stoning or SMS-ing or something. Or if there're mosquitos biting me I'd look cross. But never happy. So what makes them think I am an easy pick up? Crazy bastards. The worse thing is that some of these incidents happen in school. Yes...in NUS!! *Faint*. It doesn't matter if the driver is handsome or greasy faced and gross, if he so much as rev his engine, I will find that repulsive. And no suprises here, all these people who actually try to pick up girls (my friends too)are usually drivers wtih modified engine, and they will ALWAYS revvvvv their engine before unwinding their windows. That is so not cool and so last time. I mean what is with the loud engine, flamboyant cars and picking up girls.

It happened again today and if it happened again to me again the next time, I swear this is what I'll do. I'll stare at the driver, slowly raise my index finger to dig my nose, and flick whatever pisai or non-pisai at the person.

爱 。 梦

他曾经是我的梦
可是梦和爱不一样
梦是美丽的
而爱却实实在在的
若有选择
我会和他处在永远的梦境？
还是追寻脚踏实地的爱？

--流星花园


*shit...now everyone knows I'm a closet fan

Fashion Show for Foi's

Fashion Show for Foi's
Whee~ I got the Fashion Show for Foi's design!!! The show's set on this coming Thurs, 9 Nov, 6 to 630pm, at Centrepoint Atrium.

I'm so relieved bcos I 'waited' for 4 hours to have myself casted the designer, and apparently when I told my agency that I would be late for the casting and fitting because my War and Society tutorial was scheduled to end at 4pm, after the assigned 3pm casting slot for models from my agency.
And I'm very very Happy bcos I love their designs, love their clothes. They're all so feminine, and flirty, with flowy, bright coloured materials; and their intricate signature beadwork, which usually form the halter strap. It's all very very pretty and I feel so happy to be able to model for them. The last time I auditioned for their fashion show, I was still a new model, and I hadn't had any trainings yet. All was well when she inspected my face, my height and my figure, until I had to do a catwalk for her. but I got it this time... Whee~~~~~~
But there's a catch. Just when I was leaving, the designer asked me...(pointing to my black heels)
"Are these going to be your catwalk shoes?"
"Yeap"
"Don't you have higher heels?"
"Yea but they're not black"
"You better go and try to find a 4" or 5" heels, if not you'll look terribly short beside the Caucasian models."
::DANG!::

Sian... not only did I not know she's hiring a mix of models from a few agencies instead of just from mine, I also need higher heels to make up for that Asian-Caucasian height inequality. i won't know anyone there and I'll have no one to talk to and I have to report like 3 hours before for make up and rehearsal. Rehearsal at the Centrepoint Atrium (I think) can?! Sian... which means either I have to buy a pair from ALdo or Americaya or Nine West which will probably eat up a large portion of my pay check for that event, or I'll have to ask around for a 4" size 7/8 black heels. preferably size 8. And I would have to settle all of it before this coming thurs. It's insane to spend so much for a 30 minutes show.
WHY are there no cheapo Singapore shoe shop that sells cheapo 4" heels??? Sigh~ I mean instead of selling all those plasticky looking jewelled slippers they can just sell some real heels for once. Even my current heels are bought from Chatuchuk or Malaysia.

Despite all, I'm still pretty happy to get to model for Foi's clothes, that I even asked my mom if she wanted to come and watch the show. haha