Wishing you were somehow here again...

wishing you were somehow near . . .
Sometimes it seemed
if I just dreamed,
somehow you would be here . . .
Wishing I could hear your voice again . . .
knowing that I never would . . .
Dreaming of you
won't help me to do
all that you dreamed I could . . .

Passing bells
and sculpted angels,
cold and monumental,
seem, for you,
the wrong companions -
you were warm and gentle . . .
Too many years
fighting back tears . . .
Why can't the past
just die . . .?

Wishing you were somehow here again . . .
knowing we must say goodbye . . .
Try to forgive . . .
teach me to live . . .
give me the strength to try . . .

No more memories,
no more silent tears . . .
No more gazing across
the wasted years . . .
Help me say
goodbye

Ode to Xiaobai

Whenever the cookies in the fridge gets all eaten up and ZY ask me about it, I point to Xiaobai. Whenever we cannot find anything in the room, we scold Xiaobai. But really Xiaobai is so cute and so dear to me that I cannot imagine the day when he'll spoil. He was my mom's Christmas present for me when I was dunno how old and since then he's been my most loyal and lazy friend that can soak up all my tear(literally). I've been following a friend's blog for her new lil baby recently, and it's like an ode to the baby. I also have a baby, and since I cannot start studying seriously without doing something boliao first, I'll dedicating a post to xiaobai. Haha... unlike the baby, XIaobai doesn't have varying expressions and besides getting dirtier and more mangy and flater, he doesn't exactly change. SO there's no need to create 1 whole blog for xb. heeh. just 1 post.

15th Nov 2006

It's a month and 10 days from Christmas. Last christmas was spent in New Zealand, eating muffins and driving for miles on very very low petrol, and finally drinking very very bad tasting Lion Beer. haha or was it Leopard Beer or Red Beer I can't remember, but it was the first christmas with ZY, and my whole family. It was a nice christmas, and exams were the last thing on my mind.

Somehow, things seemed different this sem. I almost forgot Christmas was coming until I went to town the other day and was wondering why they had all those Christmas trees up on display. Perhaps its the age thing. Yes man I've aged(not alot, but still older)... But looking back on the darker days when I was younger, the time when I trusted no one, had faith in nothing, when my future seemed bleak and happiness seemed elusive; growing old seems to have brought me a sunnier disposition in life. Zy in my life especially made life much appealing to me. The eating disorder stopped, stopped thinking about alot of things in morbid ways. Oh well, even if Christmas won't be as fun as last year, it'll be as warm. And maybe I'll ask for a anti-wrinkle face mask from Santa. I've been buring too much midlight oil of late, and I kind of like my face still without the addition of some fine lines etc.

**************************************************************************

Finally, tomorrow after presenting our case as General Schwarzkopf during the class simulation on Gulf War, I'd be almost done with mid terms and miscellanous projects. Just 1 other write-up for film and history. Man that module suck. It has no relation to history, I mean it could be labelled as an American Studies module or something and I wouldn't have touched it. EVen though "war" modules are difficult, I think I am going to get a worse grade for than stupid module than all my other warring history module. Seriously, one can never get a sense of what the teacher actually wants. If you get bad grades for that module, you'll always get a bad grade, ie, either you are good at that sort of thing or you are dead. Like me. I feel so demoralized getting lousy grade after lousy grade for that module that I feel its most certainly going to hinder my progress. And to think there is no way out. No way to improve. I seriously do not think I'm lousy, because I dont get lousy grades for all my other modules, except that one. Sigh...

Anyway, like above mentioned, the rest of my papers I did not to badly, and part of my not too bad grades is the effort of ZY. haha. No I didnt force him to write my essays for me although I'd have loved to. To any of my Professors out there reading my blog,

I WROTE ALL MY ESSAYS MYSELF OKIE, NO PLAGARISM, NO BRIBERY.

Anyway, he helped me alot in the sense that he helped me to proof read, make me cut long winded, unnecessary sentence, correct my incoherent, and cook me nice or sometimes burnt dinner when I am rushing to meet a deadline. Hug me tight when I think I'm going to die from writing essay and help me zap reference books, bring me to National Library to find reference books when all those stoopid KUKUs in NUS borrow all the books that I need for research. Make me tea when I'm going to fall asleep and ATTEMPT to stay up with me so that I won't go into a sudden panic mode and freak out in the dark all by myself. He's not a history major so he cant write essays for me. I must emphasize. I love you and thank you for all that you've done for me baby. Muackz!

But the last few days or the last 1 or 2 weeks, I've been really really sick. Maybe because I've been burnt out, or maybe because ZY's sicka nd he passed all his virus to me, I became sick too. And I slept like a lot for the past 2 days. I almost didnt wake up at all. Haha...but then after I had had to wake up for lesson today, I didn't want to wake up despite spending more than 15 hours on bed for the past 2 days.

Time to stop modelling, shopping, and start studying for exams. I'll just pray hard that my grades for Film and History don't get so low that I cannot make it for my honours. Maybe I'll go back to Thailand Erawan Shrine to pray. The last sem that I did that I got pretty decent grades. Hurhurhur.... ZY too.

Blogging Fluff again

I still have like half a million papers to finish before I pack up and study for my exam which is scarily in less than a month. But under such stress and depression, the shopping and blogging bug crept in.

I just blew slightly less than 100USD ie ~130SGD while shopping online. SInce I don't have time to go out, and it's really alot more exciting shopping online, I indulged myself on Amazon. Oh and the price includes shipping as well.


Exchange by Charles David. Black Patent leather ankle stap heels. 4 inch heel. Hmm I luurve black patent heel. I wanted to get a pair of black patent leather pumps, but they werent available for the discount. Perfect for catwalk


Nine West Freda Pumps. In Gold Fabric. 3.5 inch heel


N.Y.L.A Rudelle Peep toe-d Pump. In pewter. 3.5 inch heel

All 3 pairs are popular brands, but if I get them off the shelves in SIngapore, I can very well live on white rice and soya sauce for the rest of the year. Thanks to my sweetest ZY who tried to ease my shopping crave by searching for shoe sales for me. He knows that it makes me happy to shop (for good deals) when I'm down. Oh and he had some Temporary discount something which could knock off a few percent when I buy them...dunno what la but it helped save my bucks and push the price really low.

Now I'd just have to pray that the sizes that I ordered them in are right.
If not I'll hafta give my pretty shoes to my mom...If she can balance on the heels.

Next item on my 'To get' list, Skinny jeans. HURHURHUR!

The black noisy vrooooom-ing car

I hate guys who drives car with modified engine that goes Vroooom vrooom vrooom. Okie maybe the very loud ones apply mainly to motorbikes, but there are car drivers who like to rev their engines so loudly just to state the presence of their cars. Do they think girls are impressed by such a grandiose display of i dunno...masculinity? Well, to say that I find them repulsive is an understatement. What irks me to a greater extent is to be hit on by such drivers.

Just how can anyone be so thick skinned?

I dont usually look the happiest when I am waiting for a bus. I'd wither be stoning or SMS-ing or something. Or if there're mosquitos biting me I'd look cross. But never happy. So what makes them think I am an easy pick up? Crazy bastards. The worse thing is that some of these incidents happen in school. Yes...in NUS!! *Faint*. It doesn't matter if the driver is handsome or greasy faced and gross, if he so much as rev his engine, I will find that repulsive. And no suprises here, all these people who actually try to pick up girls (my friends too)are usually drivers wtih modified engine, and they will ALWAYS revvvvv their engine before unwinding their windows. That is so not cool and so last time. I mean what is with the loud engine, flamboyant cars and picking up girls.

It happened again today and if it happened again to me again the next time, I swear this is what I'll do. I'll stare at the driver, slowly raise my index finger to dig my nose, and flick whatever pisai or non-pisai at the person.

爱 。 梦

他曾经是我的梦
可是梦和爱不一样
梦是美丽的
而爱却实实在在的
若有选择
我会和他处在永远的梦境？
还是追寻脚踏实地的爱？

--流星花园


*shit...now everyone knows I'm a closet fan

Fashion Show for Foi's

Fashion Show for Foi's
Whee~ I got the Fashion Show for Foi's design!!! The show's set on this coming Thurs, 9 Nov, 6 to 630pm, at Centrepoint Atrium.

I'm so relieved bcos I 'waited' for 4 hours to have myself casted the designer, and apparently when I told my agency that I would be late for the casting and fitting because my War and Society tutorial was scheduled to end at 4pm, after the assigned 3pm casting slot for models from my agency.
And I'm very very Happy bcos I love their designs, love their clothes. They're all so feminine, and flirty, with flowy, bright coloured materials; and their intricate signature beadwork, which usually form the halter strap. It's all very very pretty and I feel so happy to be able to model for them. The last time I auditioned for their fashion show, I was still a new model, and I hadn't had any trainings yet. All was well when she inspected my face, my height and my figure, until I had to do a catwalk for her. but I got it this time... Whee~~~~~~
But there's a catch. Just when I was leaving, the designer asked me...(pointing to my black heels)
"Are these going to be your catwalk shoes?"
"Yeap"
"Don't you have higher heels?"
"Yea but they're not black"
"You better go and try to find a 4" or 5" heels, if not you'll look terribly short beside the Caucasian models."
::DANG!::

Sian... not only did I not know she's hiring a mix of models from a few agencies instead of just from mine, I also need higher heels to make up for that Asian-Caucasian height inequality. i won't know anyone there and I'll have no one to talk to and I have to report like 3 hours before for make up and rehearsal. Rehearsal at the Centrepoint Atrium (I think) can?! Sian... which means either I have to buy a pair from ALdo or Americaya or Nine West which will probably eat up a large portion of my pay check for that event, or I'll have to ask around for a 4" size 7/8 black heels. preferably size 8. And I would have to settle all of it before this coming thurs. It's insane to spend so much for a 30 minutes show.
WHY are there no cheapo Singapore shoe shop that sells cheapo 4" heels??? Sigh~ I mean instead of selling all those plasticky looking jewelled slippers they can just sell some real heels for once. Even my current heels are bought from Chatuchuk or Malaysia.

Despite all, I'm still pretty happy to get to model for Foi's clothes, that I even asked my mom if she wanted to come and watch the show. haha