The ex and the girl.

I haven't been checking my tracker for some time, and going on tracker once again, I found it curious that my blog has been linked from some blog addy that is totally unfamiliar to me.

You see, I don't publicize my blog, and I know which blogs that I am linked to, and it's not alot. So imagine my surprise when I saw the link. Out of curiosity, I clicked on it.

It belonged to someone...I would have called her the ex of an ex, whom I've mentioned perviously here. But after reading her entries, I am not so sure if they're still together, or is she really the ex of an ex. So let's just call her Y. And we'll call the ex previously mentioned EPM.

This Y person, she pasted my entire blog address for the amusement of her blog readers, because of something I wrote in mine - A conversation between me and that EPM. And she called him a fucking bastard.

I would have been been inwardly satisfied if this had happened 2 years ago. But I am not. I could have been excessively resentful of her, as I was in the past. I was made to believe she spreaded vile lies about me, and she was the one who came in between my relationship with EPM. My heart used to miss a beat whenever I hear the name or if I see a someone who resembles her in school. And if I do spot her 50 meters away, I'd shoot out evil thoughts towards her, hoping that they'll make her as miserable as she's made me. Or maybe she'll carry some of those evil thoughts that I shot her back to EPM, and make him miserable too. But all I did was to passively allow thoughts like these to swirl in my mind. I never actively did anything. Because I've always believed, that when a relationship ends, no matter how illogical the reason for break-up is, or how hurtful it was to you, when it's over, it's over. And it's no longer appropriate for me to articulate how hurt I was.

Later, I got into a rebound relationship with some guy, and later my mao. With the mao, the Y and EPM quickly fade into nothingness. So I was wondering WHY THE FUCK is my blog addy the highlight of an entry in her blog. And the way she said it, and pasted my goddamn blog addy, it seemed like I did her wrong, with EPM.
I didn't really know what to feel when I saw it. I didn't put up that post to irk her, for I wouldn't have guessed that she'd venture to my blog. Nor do I know that at that point in time, she was still with EPM, because, like I said it's not in me to find out how 'people from the past' are doing. Even though such information can be easily accessed nowadays, I just cannot muster that ounce of courage to find out out people of my past are doing. Or I just generally don't want to know. What can I do with the new found information? Does it do me any good to mock at an ex's new bucked-teeth, greasy-haired gf, or sigh inwardly with jealously if he is going to get engaged to Fiona Xie? And the impression EPM gave me was that he is now a swinging single. I don't even bother remaining friends with most of my ex-es, especially not him.

Instead, I do not know what to feel. Hating her was, surprisingly, the furthest from my mine, and no happiness was evoked. And my heart did not miss a beat when I saw pictures of Y hugging EPM. I felt a myriad of emotions that I cannot identify, which seemed to sink into the pit of my stomach, and settling into nothingness.

But I was definitely disgusted.

She could have done it in so many other ways. I wouldn't even have minded if she had copied out a fucking entire passage from my blog without crediting me can? And none of it needed the inclusion of me, explicitly. I've extricated myself from that life, your lives, long ago, and I have no wish to be in any part of it, anymore. Anyway, I've never ever wanted to be caught in the middle, not then, not now...And I was blissfully ignorant till the aftermath.

Get it?